******
love ya *heart*******
happened again and I hate this******
memories of what happened in the tall grass******
Here I am, back where I started.******
I think I should leave you.******
Miss the way Jem would hit me, and it would feel like a kiss.******
If you ever want me back, you can have me.******
romanizing heroine******
It happened in the tall grass. It was spring time, and the ground was still wet. "Come on, you know I love little girls like you." -melody******
anyone would try to run away from you. Go ahead, murder me. -melody******
“And of course you’re gonna start crying. You act like you’re this absolute bad bitch, but i can’t even tell you something that’s very true without you crying. You need to learn to just suck it up and except the fact that you’re nothing but a toy to every single guy, Mel.”******
“Listen Mel, I’ll be honest with you, because no other guy fucking will. Any guy who says he’s interested in you beyond just fucking you, is full of shit”******
1,228 miles apart. I wish you were here, next to me at the beach. In the wind or in the water. In my beach house laying down on my bed. Rain hitting the roof. The March thunder storm in the background of our conversation. I'll play with your hair while you read to me. Cigarettes and Cherry Cokes. And it hurts to want nothing more than to have you right next to me, reading next to me, smoking next to me, letting me lay on you. Play with my hair and i’ll read my poetry to you. I didn't know how important you would become to me so soon. I want to show you all of the art at my beach house and we can do whatever the hell we want. Anything. And I love the way you call me "love". We can be a mess together. Fucking crazy, but free. I want you to feel happy with me. And oh god I wish you were on my lips. I've never wanted to kiss somebody so badly before. “Venice Bitch” -Love Lolita******
I'm sitting and staring, because what else is there to do when you take this much. And I swear there a man, half goat half human, sitting in the corner of my room. He's covered in blood and he's asking for my soul. He's very kind and gentle. I look up and I see the stars come closer and closer to me. Reach out and touch them. Take a deep breath and feel your heartbeat (if you still have one) I hear sirens and the demonic man starts screaming. I see colors that don't even exist and the paintings on my wall start to melt. I know what it feels like to have my soul taken from my body and replaced. The Anti-Christ calls me his daughter and gives me a kiss on the forehead. Is it the same for you?******
I was a "gifted" child. I was top of my class from kindergarten to 8th grade. I was athletic, smart, talented, extraverted. I was the child any parents would dream of. I was the "You should be more like her" type of kid. I was my parents pride and joy. Here I am now, 9th grade, at a party, laying down next to a man who's 19. We just had sex and there's a bottle of Xanax I'm staring at. I should steal it later. I get up and walk into the kitchen and the boys have their eyes glued to me. Probably because i'm wearing nothing but some cheap, small, thin, lingerie. "How's the whore doing tonight?" I wonder how I got here. How did I end up in this situation? I'm not too sure. I could take that whole bottle of Xans and be done with this.It's hard being nothing but a slut. I'm way to addicted to leave this life though. I would die without my drugs. So if I want to stop, I have to die. And every friend I have is concerned for me and I can see why. I think about leaving the internet a lot. Every day I think about deleting every social media account I have, and just never talking to anyone again. I could just go back to the bait shop and work all day and you guys would just have to forget about me. You're all beautiful and I'm a mess. It's hard to have friends in this mental state. I can end it all right now. If I'm ever gone for more than two days, just know that I'm not okay. Take the whole bottle of Xanax and Fentanyl. Leave you. I'll delete my accounts so you won't have to look at them and miss me.-love melody******
We're gonna party like it's 1949. Heart shaped sun glasses and cigarettes. Drive around in my red pickup truck. Stick-N-Poke tattoos on our hands. Running away and never looking behind. You and I working at Clark's from 7am-1pm. We're gonna party like we're running out of time. Drinking Cherry cola on the beach. Dancing in the March rain storms of Matagorda Island. We may be absolutely fucking crazy, but we're free. Listening to sublime, you're in the wind and i'm in the water. Cigarettes, pills, 5'10, olive skin. Baby, you're the best. -love melody******
Driving my Two Tone 1979 Ford F-150 Ranger across the country side. I'm meeting you at the Port O'Connor boat dock. It happens to be connected to The Inn at Clark's, what a strange place. I hear the sound of boats starting up and and middle aged dads shouting at their children. How nostalgic. I park my truck and my Doc Marten boots hit the concrete ground of the trashed parking lot. There you stand, handsome as ever, 6'4, black hair, brown eyes, jeans, and Converse highs. Off we go, sailing in the blue speed boat your rich parents own. You offered to take me to a much nicer, richer, cleaner, bluer, beach. I declined. I wanted to go to my beach. I brought my type writer and promised myself I'd write, but it's just not going as I planned. It feels different to love somebody the same age as me. The plaid picnic blanket I'm sitting on flew up, attempting to escape. My hair blows in the wind. I felt free with you. We were nobody's son, nobody's daughter. Your poetry is bad, but I can't change you. Within a month you failed to keep your promise to just belong to be, and to just be mine. How nostalgic.-melody******
Heidi 2015-2021 I lost myself, when I lost you. I watch Heidi run across the field, 3'4 in a baby blue sun dress. She's missing her socks and bow. She crashes onto the picnic blanket, giggling and rolling around. I've been Heidi's Babysitter for not to long. I sit on the blanket that we laid on top of the grass, making flower crowns. Heidi lays down beside where I sit, and stares at the sky. She watches the chemtrails leave their mark. Like most five year olds, she got bored very quickly with that. I've always been a like mother to Heidi, because she never had one. Her father was a very busy man, and never talked to her. I cared for that child. I cooker for her, cleaned for her, fed her, played games with her, potty trained her, sang her to sleep, read her books, taught her to write her name, hugged her when she cried, smiled with her when she laughed. I loved her liked a mother, I cared for her as if she was my own child. I didn't want her to have the life I had growing up. \"Miss Melody, I'll come live with you at the beach house when I'm big.\" I'm sorry I couldn't save you Heidi. Maybe in another life we will live in our beach house. I love you, forever and always.-melody******
I've always dreamed of becoming a writer. I write my poetry in the rainy weather of the beach. Birds fly across the water, hoping to get something to eat. I take in a deep breath and wonder where i will go. My hands are pale and painted with red nail polish, and scrambling to write down my thoughts before I loose them. My forgotten sandwich is being picked at by the birds. The blue, thick, ink from my fountain pen is being dragged across the off-white paper of my journal. I have such messy hand writing. My cursive is shit.-melody******
Living off old money and stolen cigarettes. I no longer care about where I end up. Go ahead, murder me, Jim. I care for everyone until they give me a reason not to care. You've given me thousands of reasons not to care for you. I'm not sure I don't care for you though. Loving you is really hard, because you take advantage of me, hit me, use me. I can't leave you, but I can't stay any longer. Murder me, go ahead. Put a bullet through my head and it will feel like a kiss. I can't do this anymore and I want to leave this earth. Kill me and it will feel like a kiss.-melody******
Your sin, your soul. I'm everything you've every wanted. When will you stop threatening me when I want to leave. Standing 5'7 in a black slip dress and red lipstick. Pretty white lines on my little mirror. Running my nose across it, as you laugh at how well I take it. I'm the Queen of the City. Always drag racing your little red sports car. Then take me back to your apartment and take advantage of me. I hate you.-melody******
Lo-Lee-Ta. The tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.******
I just write whatever I'm thinking about. I've been through some terrible things. I just write whatever i'm thinking. I know I don't give much context. If I were to do that I think it would be too graphic and disgusting for here. Go a little ways back and I give my email, we can talk if you want.-melody******
3/17/20 Watching the birds fly over my head and taking in the smell of the ocean. I stand on this long fishing dock, thats falling apart at the end, contemplating what else I should do with my day. I'm in my red dress, black sweater, and red heart shaped glasses (even though it's rainy and cloudy). The tall palm trees sway in my dominion, with the rough wind. Sea Drift park, it's treated my quite well. I never regret coming down here. I love hearing the small waves crashing up against the boats. I'm listening to \"Apocalypse&qu ot; by Cigarettes After Sex. In front of me there's a little boy trying to catch small fish. I suppose I should help him, because he isn't catching anything. Whenever I see small children I always wonder what kind of life they have. I wonder if they are growing up like I did. I'm only staying here for a week, then it's back to hell. I'm riding my bicycle down a little further to catch a boat ride to Matagorda Island. I want to spend a day at the beach. I love flying across the ocean in a fishing boat I hitchhiked on. I make small talk with the fishermen on the 20 minute ride down there. Nobody ever goes to Matagorda island, its practically abandoned on the side I stay on. It's very nice, nobody is around to bother me. I have a small little shack of a house falling apart. Do not think it is very rich and nice beach house. It's shit, but I love it. I have arrived at the beach and i'm at my shack house. It's calm and not too hot, but not too cold. March is the storm season for Matagorda island. Most people wouldn't want to go to the beach when it's stormy. This is my favorite time to come. I love the rain and the thunder. I'm driving my red pickup truck down to the other side of the beach. 70's music playing loud through my speakers. I made sandwiches, peach tea, cookies, and other little snacks. I'm having a picnic, on a rainy day, at the beach. I take it the salty smell of the air from the ocean. My Doc Marten boots stomp on the sand, as I pick up seashells. My little red dress flows from the wind, and it starts to rain. I do not have a care in the world though. I have collected my seashells, and it is beginning to get dark. I jump in my red pickup truck and head back to my shack house. There, the fisher men are. I climb onto the boat and we head back. I ride my bike back to Sea Drift Park and stop by \"TAMIE'S\" a Gas Station. I pick up a few snacks and a drink. I ride back to my house, feeling sad I had to leave. washing my hair, and doing the laundry. I'm so tired from the day I had at the beach, but its going to rain very hard tonight, so I need to put my plants in the garage. One by one I move them, in the rain thats getting harder by the minute. I come inside once I'm done, dry off, brush my teeth, take off my clothes and lay down on my bed. I dream about my day at the beach.-melody******
My name is Melody, but you call me Lolita. Yes, after the book. It's hard being \"Yours\". I've always been a strange girl. I've never been the prettiest of the group of girls. But, you still chose me to be your \"Lolita\". Im skinny and frail, and I suppose you like that about me, because it makes me more like a little girl. Back to the Tutor room that borned a thousand murder plots. That's where it happens. You've treated me quite badly I do have a choice. I no longer love you, I no longer care for you. \"The Queen of The City's\" I miss the bright lights and big buildings. It's weird living out a book. You are obsessed with me. You would die without me. You need me, you breathe me, you'll never ever leave me. Who else is going to put up with you this way? Nobody. I have more power than you think. Be careful. I can end your marriage, career, family, friends, life, all in one sentence. You are a weak man.-Lolita, light of your life, fire of Your loins. Your sin, Your soul.******
And I can't ever get people to understand that I don't have a choice. People finding out who you are will just make everything worse. My broken family will know that i'm weak and gullible, my sisters will be ashamed of me, my \"friends\" will make fun of me. Do I deserve this? I'm too young to go through this. I want to tell your wife the things her husband says to me. I really do wish you would just die. Why did this have to happen to me? It's not fair. My mind is ruined. It is no longer a good place. The words you said to me just keep repeating in my head all day and I can't make it stop. Somebody needs to make it stop. It's not fair. It's not fair.-love melody******
«Vous êtes assez jolie pour être une actrice. Je devrais vous mettre dans un film.\" Vous m'avez mis dans un film. Beaucoup de gens l'ont vu. C'est sur de nombreux sites pour adultes. Ils laissent des commentaires, disant à quel point ils m'aiment et à quel point je ressemble à une petite fille.-love melody******
I can't even cry without you enjoying it. I hate you. None of this is fair. It's not fair. All the other girls make fun of me for what you did. They are normal, they don't scream when somebody touches them, they don't cry every second, they aren't ruined. The boys don't like me, they call me \"Whore\", \"Daddy's Girl\", \"Slut\". I want you to go away, please.-love melody******
I wish I could say that it's all over, but it isn't. You still touch me, when you know you shouldn't. You are three times my age. Please leave me alone.-love melody******
I have little red rabbits cut into my wrist because of you. You ruined me.******
princess3301@mail.com melody#3139******
Well, i'm back to where I started. I lost all my friends, the boy I swear I loved blocked me. I can't blame anyone but myself for this. I'm all alone again. I just want to talk to him. I want to tell him I'm so sorry. -love(always) melody******
Why doesn't anyone believe me? Nobody understands what has happened to me. Does it really matter what I was wearing? He was three times my age. I am just a little girl.-love melody******
Les petits lapins rouges sont coupés dans mon poignet.-love melody******
J'ai coupé des petits lapins rouges partout sur mes poignets. Et c'est à cause de toi. Personne ne sait ce que tu m'as fait. Je suis juste une petite fille.-love melody******
J'ai coupé des petits lapins rouges sur mon poignet. C'est la seule chose qui me fait ressentir quelque chose. Tu m'as fait comme ça. Mon âme est en train de pourrir, mon corps est en train de pourrir et je suis dégoûtant et peu aimable. Tu savais que je n'étais qu'une petite fille et tu as aimé ça. Maintenant, j'ai des petits lapins rouges sur mes poignets à cause de toi.-love melody******
Remember when we would sit on your couch and I'd just talk forever, and you were too high to understand me? You told me you hated everything about me. Hated the way I laughed, cried, smiled, smoked, talked, my slip dress, red lipstick, platform boots, heart shaped sun glasses, but most of all you hated the fact that you loved me. I felt like a little witch when I would heat up your heroine in a spoon over your lighter, and I'd feel like a nurse when I injected it into you. I would sing the song \"Video Games\" by Lana Del Rey, while I shot up your veins with black tar heroine. I miss those days. We would go to the old abandoned train station down town. Big city lights, music playing from your phone, tall buildings, your drunk friends laughing, spray painting trains, the smell of cigarettes in the air, running from the police, 7 missed calls from your mom. I want it all back.-love melody******
C'est bizarre de voir la même chose se produire de différentes manières. Je ne pouvais plus arrêter personne. Et je me sens dégoûtant en ce moment. Je me sens à nouveau brisé. Mon esprit ne se sent plus joli, mon corps ne se sent plus joli. Pourquoi cela m'arrive-t-il toujours? Pourquoi personne ne peut souhaiter que je sois simplement mort, alors je peux le justifier.-love melody******
102 Well, we're here. We're at the old tunnel, again. We've smoked two of the six packs you only bought an hour ago. You passed out from whatever you injected into yourself, and I just sat there for ages, contemplating what to do with myself. I was 15, and you were 25. You told me just not to get attached to you, not to love you. I couldn't stand look at you anymore, so I left. I called you the next night, at one hundred and two. I came over, and just we sat there for ages, talking about how i'm falling for you.-love melody******
Personne ne veut dans mon joli esprit, ils veulent dans mon joli corps. Et je ne sais pas comment les arrêter. Je suppose que je ne sais pas comment dire non. J'ai besoin de dire non. Suis-je juste un jouet sexuel? Je vis juste pour être consommé par les autres et cela a déjà ruiné ma vie. Ai-je ruiné ma vie? Vais-je vivre comme ça pour toujours?-love melody******
Vous m'avez épinglé avec vos gros bras. Que devais-je faire? Tout ce que je pouvais faire, c'était pleurer. Mais tu aimes ça. \"Vas-y et pleure petite fille, personne ne peut t'entendre.\"-love melody******
Je me souviens exactement de ce qui s'est passé et de ce que vous avez dit. Ces choses horribles. Je ne peux pas arrêter de penser à eux. Même si j'aurais pu simplement mettre fin à l'appel et y mettre fin, j'y suis resté. Je vous ai écouté me dire des choses que personne ne devrait entendre. Et je pense beaucoup à toi. Je ne connais męme pas ton nom. Je me demande où vous êtes. Peut-être avez-vous été arrêté et mis en prison.-mélodie d'amour******
It's okay a lot of people think that about me. It's not the first time i've heard it. I'm sorry you feel that way about me.-love melody******
He said \"I love you in the worst way.\" And I can't ever forget that sentence. It haunts me at night when I go to sleep.-love melody******
You would hurt me and it would feel like a kiss. And you would hit me but it felt like true love.-love melody******
Im waiting for the person to let me know that my soul is a art piece. My soul is a painting. Don't tell me that my face is pretty, please. I've heard that too many times.-love melody******
How can you sleep at night knowing what you did to me? Knowing who I exactly was. Knowing how old I was. Knowing how to get me to like you. I'm so disgusted by the things you said, by the things you did to me. And you told me just to go ahead and cry, and then you told me to stop crying. You're coming back into my life now. Why? Why would you come back after the terrible things you know you did. You have a family. You have kids. But that doesn't stop you. Please just stop. Please.-love melody******
Je n'ai pas pu l'empêcher de faire ce qu'il m'a fait. Je ne me sens plus aimable. J'ai l'impression d'être ruiné. Il avait trois fois mon âge. Il m'a dit qu'il aimait les bonnes petites filles comme moi. Mes cuisses me faisaient mal. Des larmes sont tombées de mes yeux. Je veux juste dormir maintenant. Cela me fait mal à l'esprit d'être éveillé. J'aurais aimé qu'il ne me touche pas comme si j'étais juste une poupée.-love melody******
I wish I was able to be loved by someone as a romantic partner, instead of them talking to me and manipulating me into thinking they actually like me. But they don't like me. They just like my pretty body. They were just trying to get me to send nudes. And they succeeded. I haven't ever had somebody like me for my mind and soul. Can't anybody tell me I have a beautiful mind, please? Thats all I want in life.-love melody******
It came to me. I think we are all just trying to impress people we know in this world. We should be more quiet. Stop trying to get people to listen to your bad soundcloud beats.-love melody******
I usually write whatever im thinking about on here, but I don't know what im thinking about right now. Maybe it will come to me in a bit.-love melody******
i fucking died -love melody******
I was right. I was used. I shouldn't be surprised because this happens every time. Im sad now. -love melody******
We agree the Horse sense is with the the shift in San Francisco, signed 12,000 people in advertising dollars to a veteran proctologist: a doctor who puts in its posterior dimension. Rupert Murdoch set out full of hope, mounted on excellent horses, and opened up alternative means of Rampant Devil Worship for the negotiations are now complete for the Internet. An oceanside sewage plant, owners of Bush has been a typical busy day at the orifice. It was led to vote for the web.-love melody******
I feel so stupid and used. I made myself unloveable.-love melody******
Im sad. I wish things weren't this way. I only exist to be consumed by others. I only live to be used. And I don't know how to stop. Someone please help me.-love melody******
I met somebody new today. I think he's gonna gaslight me, but its okay.-love melody******
its so strange recalling memories that don't belong to you. -love melody******
I miss cj******
They are watching me. Always have and always will be. I have become so paranoid.-love melody