Lolita's Archive

“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins.” ― Vladimir Nabokov

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Mon May 24, 2021 11:47:35

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I open the door to see the news still on and Bill was sleeping. I’m soaking wet from the rain and my makeup was running down my face. I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. I’ve never looked more beautiful than this moment. Cold pale skin, wet hair, green crying eyes, smeared lipstick. The shower water burns my skin as I sit down in the middle of the tub. Water washing the makeup off my face. I think I cry to much, but thinking that made me cry more. Small whimpers and sniffles fall out of me as I pour strawberry shampoo onto my hand. Running it through my hair as I think about the conversation I had with Bill this morning. I finish up my shower and dry off. Crawling onto the bed, pulling blue sheets over me. I take a deep breath in while the question from last Monday plays in my head. Why can’t I make one rational decision?
Mon May 24, 2021 11:31:32

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I sat there crying in a parking lot at midnight. I’m alone and tired. I got a call from him. My heart dropped as I heard his voice through the phone. My hands were shaking and my knees went weak. He didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear. I begged for him not to hang up, but he did. Why am I always 2nd place? Why am I always the other woman? I thought leaving would change things up a bit, but I still cry myself to sleep every night, and I’m still 2nd place to every man.
Fri May 21, 2021 12:05:44

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I was painting my nails red while we watched the news. Cherry coke cans and squished cigarettes were all over the coffee table. Bill was going off about how fucked our government is. "Goddammit! Bring me one of them beers."
Fri May 21, 2021 11:05:57

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I miss you marie
Sat May 15, 2021 21:17:40

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You guys every just think about ditching everything? Just deleting every social media acc, blocking everyone you know, and just starting new. 2021 has been probably the worst year of my life (debatable). I feel like i’d regret dipping from socials in the future. This is just something that’s been playing on my mind.
Fri May 14, 2021 20:54:25

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You know, life doesn’t seem that shit when you’re standing in your kitchen while eating strawberries and listening to White Strips
Thu May 13, 2021 23:21:56

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Nothing feels real anymore. Hit me, just like he did. I wanna feel it again.
Thu May 13, 2021 23:16:43

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My nails were scratching the desk while I was screaming.
Tue Apr 27, 2021 11:12:27

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I still see you on blank computer screens.
Sat Apr 24, 2021 12:51:23

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Be my once in a life time.
Wed Apr 14, 2021 20:05:39

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Melody is gone and dead, And I think I have killed her.
Sun Apr 11, 2021 17:49:24

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The voice of Nirvana says "Come as you are" and I will.
Wed Mar 31, 2021 13:15:30

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I miss living in my trailer house.
Mon Mar 29, 2021 15:16:06

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Living off old money, smiling for miles in pink dresses and high heels on white yachts.
Mon Mar 29, 2021 14:15:31

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Tearing up town in my fucking white gown.
Sun Mar 28, 2021 17:04:59

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My mind is like a diamond.
Sun Mar 28, 2021 16:56:50

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I put the radio on, hold you tight in my mind.
Sat Mar 27, 2021 20:52:53

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Take me back to Florida.
Thu Mar 25, 2021 16:37:00

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I miss cj
Tue Mar 23, 2021 19:28:06

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We should go back to Arkansas.